Woke up with heavy palpitations just half past midnight,

I had to stand up and walk around.

I even went to prepare my bag, just in case 🧰

Now, after almost thirty minutes and after a sachet of Double Action Gaviscon, I am feeling a lot better.

I even told Najel that, if ever……

Brought down the car keys with me 🗝️🚗

Messaged the GC of my Catholic neighbors.

Well, if that was not a panic attack then I don’t know what it was.

I had the same (almost) one earlier at the grocery.

I left Najel in the car because I was gonna go to the ATM only, but I decided to go inside the grocery. (The ATM was not dispensing cash)

I felt the attack then…..

I read articles about menopause, and because I’ve heard of stories that it was really bad sometimes.

I think that what I’m feeling (sometimes) is also being caused by menopause.

I am forty-seven anyway, so it’s very much possible.

But, let me give an analysis of what brings this on.

Of course I have been observing my attacks.

Now, I don’t have a kasambahay again.

And I am working from home.

I don’t have relatives nearby.

Although I have some acquaintances in the neighborhood, no real very close friend.

But I have friends nearby, within a ten kilometer radius 😀

Anyways, I believe the feeling of being alone triggered it again.

I haven’t had this kind of attack since, I believe, last year when the other kasambahay was here.

Time-out: I have to post these selfies first….

I took those this morning while I was working ❤️

Anyways, this mind of mine have been contemplating about my life.

Always at home, well, good for now because Najel is still on summer vacation.

School starts in August, just a month to go 😩

Her school schedule is just four times a week and mostly only from 7am to 4pm.

And those are my working hours too.

So I won’t really miss her much.

But still… I have this feeling of… Is it emptiness or alone-ness?

I can’t quite put it.

This adjustment of being alone is so difficult.

Or maybe I will never get used to being alone.

I stopped teaching online since Monday (it’s Wednesday now, oh it’s almost 2am of Thursday 😜) because I was sick with fever and UTI and not in the mood to teach.

And, actually I’ve been praying (and applying) for an additional work with sure pay. Like an after 5pm work. Maybe another 10 to 20 hours per week of work.

Because with Bizmates, if there are no bookings, then there’s no earnings too.

But with a regular part time work, I am assured of my working hours and pay 🙏😘

That way, I’ll have enough money to pay for all my bills and save some for my emergency fund and some wants maybe. 🥰

Well, of course, praying for strength always. 🙏